My Fellow Americans...

Anger brings out my fatalistic side...


The party has spoken and conservative ideals along with capitalism are finally about to be slain! This cruel and vicious system promoting a meritocracy will finally die in favor of a more sensitive system -needs testing America.

Illegal immigrants, come join the party. You deserve the fruits of American prosperity as it was created with your hard work and at the expense of your home countries. You are welcome to come work in the American Breadbasket to bring the world food. We have roads that must be built, children needing care, ditches to be dug and lawns in need of trimming. Come work in our gardens and receive free education, health care, and social services. Your honorable work shall be the backbone of our new America. Your needs at the forefront of our mind as the epitome of a working class immigrant scratching out a living with nothing more than the strength of your body and the pureness of your spirit.

Entrepreneurs and small business owners, you need to close up shop and join with the nationalized version of your enterprise. The unfair atmosphere of competition you have engendered in this country is now at an end. It's time for you to give up your windfall profits to those in need. You can replace that profit with a sense of patriotism and relish the good will of your fellow man as you help to pick up those less fortunate or less ambitious, or less able, or less industrious, or less motivated, or less intelligent, or less driven, or less talented basically less rich than you...

Middle Class workers, if you curry favor and toe the new line, you can move up in society and pick the fruits of high society. We're going to raise your taxes, but we'll be providing you with so many more services. You should think of it as helping out the poor with every extra dollar you give. You will be required to stay with your job and your company will be required to keep you...you'll never have to worry about being unemployed again! Unless, of course, work has become too stressful and is deemed hazardous to your overall mental health. In that case, you'll still be able to receive the care that is your right...

America is a rich nation and we shall use that wealth to cure all the ailments capitalism has created and will strive to level the playing field here at home and abroad. Together, we will solve poverty, feed the hungry and cure the sick. No child will ever be without equal medical coverage.

No person will be forced to live with the crippling effects of old age. Euthanasia sites will immediately be opened in conjunction with drive through abortion clinics so no elderly or children need to live without love or in suffering. Mandatory euthanasia will be implemented for all terminal disease to ease the burden of suffering and to free up medical resources for those with greater need and the ability to be rehabilitated.

Thank you my fellow Americans for finally seeing the evils of capitalism and the damage it and free market economics have caused. America will be a beacon to the world showering all with her beatific light and benevolent spirit. Together, we shall make and treat all as equals regardless of the size of one's bank account.

-Madam Presidente Hillary Clinton
and the Unifier: Co-Presidente John McCain.
-excerpted from the letter of John to the Clintonians